The week after our son was born, an exact replica of the birthing experience filled my dreams. The next week was not so literal. By the third week, in my dreams, the doctor arrived dressed in a tuxedo and a chorus surrounded him as they waited for his cue to sing along with the orchestra he was conducting. Memories and dreams are like that, aren't they? The greater the distance from the event the more the memories can change.
I mention this only because as a writer I often draw on my memories. I realize that memories evolve, and I can't remember every detail. As a writer, just like a good storyteller, I am here to tell a story and I may embellish a memory to make it more interesting - much to my sister's chagrin. The two of us often trade stories that we remember from childhood only to have the other sister say, "I don't remember that," or "That's not the way I remember it." Funny how memories play tricks, isn't it?
So, I don't worry too much when I write something about family. It is a story that I am telling, not an autobiography. I am appealing to the universal quality of the story, not for the most accurate recollection of events. What I try to capture is the feelings that created the memory that stayed with me. I couldn't remember all the details completely anyway. Thank goodness for that.
There are people who recollect exactly what has happened to them. They experience what is called hyperthemesia. Give them a date and they can remember the clothes they wore, the weather, every little detail. How do they ever find relief from bad memories? Do they relive them over and over again? I'm glad my doctor became a conductor in my dreams. I would have a hard time living with the actual, intense memory of childbirth otherwise.
I love your idea of telling family stories for their universal quality, rather than accuracy. I have four siblings and there are always four different versions of every story. Also thanks for sharing the beautiful Autumn images; the dry and gentle decay is one of the things I love best about this time of year.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Teresa. I do think that the universality of a story is what is important, not the many details that get lost or changed over time. Thanks as always for reading and commenting on my posts.
DeleteFrom Mary by email: Thank you for your thoughts on memories and dreams. You’re so right about how your memories don’t always coincide with your sisters. Every time I get together with my sisters we learn something new as well as how different we all remember certain events and times. I like your conclusion, that it’s not an auto-biography but just your story or perspective.
ReplyDeleteMemories are remarkably changeable, aren't they? Our family has one memory from Christmas that all of us have recounted in the same way, but that is unusual!
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