I tend to be a deliberate person (some people might say obsessive). I arrange my spice drawer so that the herbs and spices I use for different dishes are clustered together: tarragon, rosemary, and thyme for chicken dishes and salad dressing; bay leaf, basil, oregano for Italian dishes; turmeric, curry, and chili powder for spicy meals.
I have indoor shoes and a set of shoes at each door that I can use when I garden. I have a set of shelves to store my shoes by type of shoe.
I am careless about one very small thing with my shoes. When I go outside to garden, I take off my shoes and leave them as they fall. When I come back inside, I look at them, and for an instant, I cringe. I don't cringe because I didn't put them away. Instead, I think to myself, "I don't want to be the kind of person who takes off her shoes so that toes of one shoe curves around the tip of the other." Why does this small thing bother me? Even for a moment?When I look at the shoes, they seem to represent the traits that used to be encouraged in little girls: coyness, child-likeness, and sweetness, traits that I disliked as a girl and vowed not to adopt. My shoes seem to be telling me otherwise.
I am amazed each time by my reaction to such a simple display. Why does this small action make such a powerful statement? Once I realized the hidden meaning, I decided to cure myself in the same way that people with phobias do. I exposed myself to my shoe placement by taking pictures of my shoes. I hoped to help myself to get over this feeling and to tame my inner critic down.
Once I started taking pictures, of course, my shoes no longer were so casually kicked off. What is the lesson in all of this? I'm not sure yet, except to have a good laugh at myself. My one thought is that deep, hidden feelings can surface from very minor images. Even kicking off your shoes without care can change the way you visualize yourself.
What does this drawing say about the owner of these shoes?